Aug 232013
 

 

Kayleigh woke up at 5:00 this morning.  I brought her downstairs to feed her, like I do every morning when she wakes up.  John doesn’t wake up to get ready for work until 6:30, so I know he appreciates that extra quiet time I give him.

As I was feeding Kayleigh, I checked Facebook with my cell phone, which I also do every morning.  As I scrolled down, I saw something absolutely horrifying.  My sister had posted a picture of John, Kayleigh and I, and I was completely mortified by it.  Why?  Well, because I look huge in it! 

All of these horrible feelings came over me so suddenly.  I was angry with her for posting that picture to Facebook, and tagging John and I in it, for all of my friends and all of his friends to see.  I didn’t even know that she had taken this!  I was so embarrassed by the way I looked.  I felt defeated, and depressed about my weight.  It was really not the way I like to start my morning off.

I’ve known for a while now that I still have a lot of weight to lose.  I have 20 pounds to lose to get back to pre-pregnancy weight, and even then, I’d still like to lose at least another 20 pounds. 

Since becoming a Mom to Kayleigh, I’ve found it very hard to get myself into a routine that will allow me to exercise.  I also find it very hard to eat healthy.  I’m usually so busy between taking care of her, and blogging, that I grab whatever is convenient to eat when I have a free minute.  That usually involves unhealthy things, like muffins, donuts, potato chips, cookies, etc. 

I also don’t own ANY clothes that properly fit my body right now, which doesn’t really help my self-esteem issues. 

Seeing that picture today really prompted me to start taking better care of myself.  I need to find at least 30 minutes every day to exercise, even if it’s just taking Kayleigh for a walk, which would be great for both of us anyway.  I need to start eating healthier.  To do that, I need to keep healthier foods on hand, like yogurt, vegetables, whole wheat bread.  I plan to cut down on starches and sugars significantly too.

I begged Angela to take that picture off from Facebook before anyone saw it.  I kept refreshing the page to see if she had deleted it yet, until finally, she did.  Before she did though, I saved a copy to my computer. 

After my initial embarrassment wore off, I looked at the picture again, and I saw something I didn’t see before.  When I looked at the picture before, all I saw was me, and how fat and awful I looked.  What I didn’t see, was the way John and I were looking at Kayleigh.  I was looking down at her so motherly, and John has the happiest expression on his face.  Kayleigh is looking right into his eyes and loving every minute of it. When I first looked at this picture, I didn’t see our happy little family, gathered in the kitchen, spending quality time together.   

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Yes, I am overweight in this picture, my hair is a mess, and that dress does absolutely nothing to flatter my body, but in that moment, I was happy.  I AM happy.  Being a Mom is all I have ever wanted, and my dream has come true.  My weight is something I need to work on, but I’m not going to let it take away beautiful moments like this.

 Posted by at 1:10 pm

  2 Responses to “The Most Beautiful Picture I Was Ever Too Embarrassed to Post”

  1. I love this post and can totally relate :) But capturing those memories is so much more important than what the scale says. Hard for me to accept for myself, too, but I’m working on it!

    • Thanks Liza! It’s been a daily struggle lately. Kayleigh’s been so cranky and needy because of her teething, and I barely find any time for myself, to exercise or eat healthy. I sure do love my time with her though, and I feel extremely lucky to be able to stay home with her. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world!

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