Kayleigh woke up at 5:00 this morning. I brought her downstairs to feed her, like I do every morning when she wakes up. John doesn’t wake up to get ready for work until 6:30, so I know he appreciates that extra quiet time I give him.
As I was feeding Kayleigh, I checked Facebook with my cell phone, which I also do every morning. As I scrolled down, I saw something absolutely horrifying. My sister had posted a picture of John, Kayleigh and I, and I was completely mortified by it. Why? Well, because I look huge in it!
All of these horrible feelings came over me so suddenly. I was angry with her for posting that picture to Facebook, and tagging John and I in it, for all of my friends and all of his friends to see. I didn’t even know that she had taken this! I was so embarrassed by the way I looked. I felt defeated, and depressed about my weight. It was really not the way I like to start my morning off.
I’ve known for a while now that I still have a lot of weight to lose. I have 20 pounds to lose to get back to pre-pregnancy weight, and even then, I’d still like to lose at least another 20 pounds.
Since becoming a Mom to Kayleigh, I’ve found it very hard to get myself into a routine that will allow me to exercise. I also find it very hard to eat healthy. I’m usually so busy between taking care of her, and blogging, that I grab whatever is convenient to eat when I have a free minute. That usually involves unhealthy things, like muffins, donuts, potato chips, cookies, etc.
I also don’t own ANY clothes that properly fit my body right now, which doesn’t really help my self-esteem issues.
Seeing that picture today really prompted me to start taking better care of myself. I need to find at least 30 minutes every day to exercise, even if it’s just taking Kayleigh for a walk, which would be great for both of us anyway. I need to start eating healthier. To do that, I need to keep healthier foods on hand, like yogurt, vegetables, whole wheat bread. I plan to cut down on starches and sugars significantly too.
I begged Angela to take that picture off from Facebook before anyone saw it. I kept refreshing the page to see if she had deleted it yet, until finally, she did. Before she did though, I saved a copy to my computer.
After my initial embarrassment wore off, I looked at the picture again, and I saw something I didn’t see before. When I looked at the picture before, all I saw was me, and how fat and awful I looked. What I didn’t see, was the way John and I were looking at Kayleigh. I was looking down at her so motherly, and John has the happiest expression on his face. Kayleigh is looking right into his eyes and loving every minute of it. When I first looked at this picture, I didn’t see our happy little family, gathered in the kitchen, spending quality time together.
Yes, I am overweight in this picture, my hair is a mess, and that dress does absolutely nothing to flatter my body, but in that moment, I was happy. I AM happy. Being a Mom is all I have ever wanted, and my dream has come true. My weight is something I need to work on, but I’m not going to let it take away beautiful moments like this.